I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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