Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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