Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
