whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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