So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
its not stalking. its research.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
