Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
