We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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