im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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