I like to think it a success when the cops are called
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
