My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
