I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
