genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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