My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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