It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
