I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
