wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
