Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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