You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
