brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
