half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
