so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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