He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
