Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
