Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
