The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
