He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
