I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
