dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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