I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
