your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
