I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
