why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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