Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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