Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
