my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
