why didn't you poke me back
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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