He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
