He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
