How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
