we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Duck Duck Cougar?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
