why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
