He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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