Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
