If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
