Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
