Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
