Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
