I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
