You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
