Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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