how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
