I wanna passion pit in your ass
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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