Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
