we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
