nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
