Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
