I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
