dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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